


you're aces, kid

by cantsaythursday (horriblekids)



Series: asexual 'verse [2]
Category: All Time Low
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-02
Updated: 2011-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horriblekids/pseuds/cantsaythursday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grieco's asexual, and Rian has a huge crush on him. But maybe he can have his cake and eat it too...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Importing my old ATL fics from Livejournal! You can find me on tumblr [here](http://saidtheskeletons.tumblr.com).

He figures it out right there in the middle of his Organic Biology lecture. It’s such a jarring realization that he sits there for a minute, shakes his head, and whispers in this very small, very shy voice, “That’s me.” When he looks down he sees that his hand has slipped and he’s just drawn a line down half of his page of notes. Vinny turns and looks at him sceptically, like, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Quickly – almost too quickly – he covers by saying, “Fascinating, isn’t it?” Which – if it had been anyone else – wouldn’t have passed as the truth; the only reason he pulls it off at all is because Vinny is only taking Organic Bio so he can ogle the T.A. because he’s got a massive crush on her. The only reason Grieco is in the class is to fulfill his science credit requirement for graduation and all of the interesting science electives filled up too quickly. So instead they’re both in the most boring, textbook-based course in the world, and of course there aren’t even any interesting labs to do or diagrams to look at. He’s not especially good friends with Vinny, exactly, they just know a lot of the same people.

For the rest of the hour he just sits there staring at the word hastily scribbled on the page and feels a sinking sensation in his gut. ASEXUAL, it says, in shaky block letters. And he feels strangely guilty about it, like a glaring neon sign that blinks on and off shouting ‘Alex Grieco is not like everyone else! He’s an asexual freak!’ He feels kind of empty inside. Maybe there’s something wrong with him, but he’s never really thought about the future in terms of finding someone and settling down and getting married or anything. Why would he? So he sits there and watches Vinny watching the girl he likes so much, and he wonders what it’s like to feel that way about someone. Because Vinny doesn’t really know her, of course. He finds her attractive. On an aesthetic level, maybe she is, but Grieco doesn’t see it. She has a symmetric face. Her hair is long and shiny. She wears the same kinds of clothes that other girls wear. He doesn’t really see anything that remarkable about her. There’s no magic in the way her leggings cling to her or the plaid shirt-dress flapping around her legs gracelessly. He doesn’t feel a quickening of his pulse when she bends over like he knows Vinny does. It’s... nothing.

When they’re walking out of the lecture hall, Vinny elbows him and says, “Damn, she looked hot today, am I right?” He just shrugs helplessly. Most of their friends think he’s gay because of his very obvious lack of interest in the female form. And he used to think that, too, until he realized that he also has a distinct lack of interest in penises or any type of... orifice in general.

“I didn’t really notice,” he answers simply. He fumbles with the straps of his backpack awkwardly, waiting for Vinny to get distracted by something else as they head toward the dorms. And already he’s thinking about the things he needs to do when they get back – pick up his sticks, change into something more comfortable for his afternoon classes – instead of paying attention to Vinny’s running commentary on a sex scene in this movie they watched in his film class. He’s excited, actually, about the afternoon and drumming. Maybe a little nervous, too, but he always gets nervous when he has to drum in front of people. Especially people he really admires, one of whom is in that class and basically makes him feel like he’s a little kid banging away on his mother’s pots and pans still. It’s a bit complicated considering they’re friends, too.

Not for the first time, he wonders if this means he has a crush on Rian, but idly dismisses it due to the fact that the attraction seems to be more envy than... physical attraction. He asks Vinny, “What does it feel like to have a crush on a girl?”

Vinny scratches his chin thoughtfully. “I dunno, dude... When you think she’s pretty or hot or whatever and you like being around her, I guess. You just get that... warm and fuzzy feeling, you know? Like butterflies and shit, that sort of thing. You know what I mean, right?”

He fights the urge to shake his head and say ‘No, I don’t, actually’, instead shrugging and replying, “Sure, I guess.” He tosses a new box of sticks in his backpack and changes into a pair of baggy shorts. As an afterthought, he slicks on a fresh coat of deodorant so he won’t embarrass himself by sweating through yet another t-shirt. Maybe he’ll take Rian’s advice and cut the sleeves off some of his shirts so he can move easier; he’s sort of loath to take his shirt off in the middle of class because it seems weirdly sexual even though they’re all just there to drum. The thought makes him feel awkward. The word ASEXUAL! ASEXUAL! ASEXUAL! blinks like a homing beacon behind his eyelids, and he suddenly feels a wave of self-consciousness hit him full force. It seems like everyone wants to have sex but him. The eyes of the pin-ups taped up on Vinny’s side of the room seem to be mocking him, coupled with their salacious grins and allegedly seductive posturing. He’d rather own the cars they’re leaning over, to be honest, than to possess the women themselves.

Vinny claps a hand on his shoulder, squeezes, and says, “You’ll find someone.” It’s really not very comforting. He doesn’t want to find someone. The idea that he needs to be OMG!In-a-Relationship and having sex to be complete kind of offends him. To pull a phrase from his best friend’s Disneyfied vocabulary, he can slay his own dragons, thank you very much.

&

Rian walks to the music building with his best friends, slightly annoyed that it takes them twice as long to get there since Jack and Alex insist on doing everything together and they keep pausing to make out against every possible surface. He can’t be too annoyed, though, because he’s got two hours of drumming to look forward to, with the added bonus of seeing Grieco, also known as the other Alex in their little group. And seeing Grieco always puts him in a stupidly good mood. Jack and Alex know this and totally capitalize on it. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Jack says, “So I see you’ve brought your new sticks for this afternoon’s session.”

He shrugs, trying to remain nonchalant. “I felt like experimenting with thickness a little bit,” he explains. Alex and Jack exchange A Look; Alex starts giggling so hard because of it that he has to press his face into Jack’s shoulder. The double entendre was completely – well, mostly – unintentional. “Not like that! Oh my God.” It’s not exactly a secret, Rian’s massive crush on Grieco, but thus far he has managed to keep it under wraps. Just... sometimes he’ll put on a decent pair of shorts before their Thursday class and he always gets there exactly early enough to make the fact that they always sit together look completely unintentional and coincidental.

“I like experimenting with Alex’s thickness,” Jack smirks.

Rian makes a face and grumbles “... Yeah, the one time he let you bottom and you told everyone who would listen about it. Twice.” He considers hitting Jack with his sticks but decides not to in the interest of keeping them in one piece. Gaskarth is a territorial little bitch when it comes to his boyfriend. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a familiar body headed into the studio, so he quickly says goodbye to his friends and jogs off to catch up. “Grieco! Hey,” he says breathlessly, fighting the urge – as he is often struck with it – to grab the younger man and hug him tight. Grieco rewards him with a shy smile.

“Mm, I’m guessing Dumb & Dumber are the reason you’re running late again?” Grieco guesses. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, they are some of my best friends, but watching them suck face constantly is getting real old.”

He rolls his eyes and mutters, “Just be glad you don’t have to live with them.” Through the windows of the atrium, he can see Jack and Alex making kissy faces at them and one obscene gesture from Jack that may or may not be directed towards him. To change the subject, he shows Grieco his new sticks and says, “Pretty cool, huh? Picked ‘em up yesterday and haven’t gotten a chance to try them out yet.”

“Oh, dude, dude, those are so sweet,” Grieco gushes. “You have to let me know how they feel, I’ve been looking for good sticks forever and nothing seems quite right so far. And you have to promise to let me use your employee discount since we’re, like, drum bros. Or, you could let me come visit you at work like you keep promising so I can try those babies out myself.” Rian has to will himself not to blush, not to read too far into that because they are Just Friends, capital J, capital F. Grieco’s probably straight.

“Yeah,” he says. “Come visit me next week and I’ll hook you up with some sweet testers we just got in. And you know you can show up at the house whenever if you want to, like, jam with me sometime. The noise usually scares Jack and Alex away so you don’t have to worry about seeing, um... that.” He’s trying, very subtly, to ask Grieco if he’s okay with... that. It’s a hopeless endeavour, but seriously? The boy is too cute not to at least try. Ever since the first day of classes he’s had this huge crush – like, ever since Grieco walked into the music building twenty minutes early with his hair still wet from the shower, looking terrified, and stopped to ask him if he was in the right place. And he stood there, stunned, for a minute, because this gorgeous creature with the big brown eyes and flawless skin was actually talking to him.

So he’s a little bit surprised when Grieco hip-checks him and says, “I see how it is, you just want me to scare them away so you can have a little peace and quiet. You should ask Danny if he’ll come over and we can try kind of a jam band thing.” Which leaves Rian feeling more than a little deflated during the first hour, because of course the one time he actually gathers the courage to ask Grieco to hang out – just the two of them, anyway – the point gets completely lost in translation. He seriously considers paying Jack and Alex to take Danny out to the bar so he will be therefore unavailable for any and all future jam sessions, and this time it has way less to do with the fact that he kind of wants to make out with Grieco and more to do with the fact that he’s not convinced that Danny isn’t going to try to, like, put the moves on Grieco himself. Not that Danny isn’t a nice person; he totally is, it’s just that his brain goes into this kind of crazy-competitive overdrive whenever someone expresses interest in his crush. In other words, Rian Dawson equals jealous bitch.

&

Grieco doesn’t watch football with the rest of the gang simply because they all cheer for the Ravens. So, every Sunday, he goes to his best friend’s place so that they can watch the Eagles walk all over the Ravens in peace. Matt Flyzik revels in his rebellion from the group, proudly wearing his jersey to classes and carrying on heated debates with Danny in the cafeteria over the merits of each team. It’s kind of funny because Kurily gets so flustered whenever Matt’s around, whereas normally he can tend to be a bit of an arrogant jerk. Naturally, he’s kind of surprised when Danny turns up to Matt’s that Sunday, proudly wearing his Ravens jersey un-ironically with his designer jeans and Louis Vuitton belt – the one that Alex never fails to rib him about owning. He sees the way the two look at each other, and there’s that word again, tattooed permanently on the insides of his eyelids as a reminder of all the things wrong with him. ASEXUAL. The word sticks on his tongue every time he so much as tries to say it out loud. He’s been very careful to avoid thinking about it too much.

He likes Danny because the guy always brings the best beer to every party and he makes no pretences about the fact that his family is loaded. And Matt? He likes Danny because... Well, Grieco is not entirely sure. Considering all they ever do is argue, he’s not quite sure where the attraction lies in carrying on such a friendship. Maybe there’s something to that old adage that opposites attract after all. Matt used to be in a punk band and he’s got a lip ring; Danny, on the other hand, went to private school and completely shocked his parents when he announced he was going to be a music major. “Ready to watch the Eagles lose?” Danny asks, tugging the tail of Matt’s shirt playfully.

“Eat shit, Kurily,” Matt retorts, ducking past Danny and piling onto the couch next to Grieco. A moment later Danny joins them, taking great care to jostle Matt and generally annoy him as much as possible – the kind of teasing that would be irritating as hell if they weren’t friends. It’s not until after halftime that Grieco figures out it’s intentional, and then he feels like an awkward third wheel since he can tell that his friends are obviously interested in each other. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to leave so they can have at it or not... For that matter, he’s not really sure what ‘it’ is but he’s got this uncomfortable feeling that, were he not there, they’d probably be making out or something. And he’s almost positive that Matt used his presence as a buffer on purpose to make it less awkward, with the consequence of having made it much more awkward in the process.

So he does the only thing he can think of under the circumstances to make it easier on all three of them. He says, “Hey, I think I’m gonna drop by Rian’s for a bit. I wanted to ask him about those sticks he promised me on Friday.”

“... On a Sunday night?” Danny asks suspiciously.

He nods. “Yeah, he wanted me to drop by the store next week so he could show me some new sticks they got in or something so I wanted to see if he knows what his schedule is yet.” Matt mouths the words ‘I owe you’. He mouths back, ‘You owe me big for this’. So he grabs his stuff, pulls on his shoes, and walks the short distance to Rian’s house under the sinking sun. The thing about his situation – he wills himself not to put too much thought into it – is that, even though he’s not particularly interested in sex, he’s also not completely naive. He’s smart enough to realize when two people are into each other and when he should take it upon himself to leave and give them some privacy. And besides that, he probably should drop by Rian’s anyway. He’s been meaning to all week but hasn’t really had the time.

Evan’s car is in the driveway when he gets there, so the game mustn’t have ended yet. He hesitates for about a minute before deciding to just walk right in. Jack and Alex, as always, have taken up residence in the armchair, occasionally taking a break from making out to check in with the game. Vinny and Evan are having an alcohol-fuelled heart to heart conversation on the couch, and Rian’s hanging out in the kitchen talking to the girls, who catch sight of him first. “Grieco!” Cassadee squeals, running over to give him an exuberant hug. Lisa and Kara just kind of sigh and look at each other; the feminine mystique will continue to elude him despite the growing number of female friends he has. It could also be that neither of them like her, but he’s not going to involve himself in the world of girl politics since that confuses him almost as much as sex does.

Rian grins at him – and Rian has the nicest smile in the entire world, honestly – and greets him with, “I see you’ve defected to the winning side, finally,” before swallowing him in a hug.

He says, “Nah, I just thought I’d leave Flyzik and Kurily to figure their whole deal out. I was feeling a little third-wheelish. I’ve also come to find out your work schedule for next week so I can reserve several hours of your time for my very own, if that’s okay with you. I thought we could jam for a while and then maybe play Nazi zombies.”

“That’s more than okay with me, especially if you’re bringing Nazi zombies. You’re not allowed to complain when I beat you at Mario Kart, though.”

Feeling his cheeks heat up slightly, Grieco retorts, “You cheat every time! That’s not a fair assessment of my skills! I demand a rematch and someone to watch so you can’t use your dirty tricks on me this time.” The girls have, by this point, gotten tired of listening to their discussion of video games, so it’s just him and Rian in the kitchen. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; it’s that he doesn’t understand the way Rian looks at him sometimes and half the time their conversations leave him feeling more confused than anything. Rian teases him, but it’s... different. It defies explanation. They make plans for the next week and he ends up walking back to campus with Vinny.

Vinny goes, “You know Cassadee has a huge crush on you, right?”

Which is something he didn’t know because he’d never thought about it. The word practically blinks in front of his eyes. ASEXUAL. ASEXUAL. He doesn’t think about stuff like that! “I, uh. She’s... Why?” It’s slightly baffling. She’s a nice enough person. But he doesn’t think of her in that way. Like... He can tell that she’s nice-looking, yeah, but it’s the same way he notices that the models in magazines are nice-looking. Is he supposed to find her attractive? Maybe he’s been sending her some kind of sign that he’s interested without meaning to. Because, yeah, he’s not so naive when it comes to other people, but he sometimes misses the point when someone tries to flirt with him. He doesn’t get why they’d want to.

And Vinny takes his surprise as some sort of sign, because he asks, “Dude, do you even like girls at all? Cassadee’s fucking hot.”

The words pass through his lips before he can stop them. “I don’t know. I mean... I really don’t know. They’re nice people? But I don’t really... want to date anyone.” It flashes in his head like that really fucking annoying sign from the bar next door to their dorm. ASEXUAL. But... Vinny’s his roommate, so maybe he should say something just to get the burden off his shoulders. He’s kind of afraid that people will treat him differently, though, so maybe he shouldn’t say anything. He can’t imagine saying it to Alex or Jack; they’d just laugh and tell him he ‘hasn’t met the right person’ yet. Lisa and Kara, maybe, would understand, but he’s not that close with them. And he sure as hell can’t tell Cassadee if she’s, like, in love with him or something because she’ll think it’s her fault or not believe him or... or something. The more he thinks about it, the more he feels like a freak with a label rubber-stamped onto his soul. So... Fuck that.

&

The score is tied. The score is tied, and Matt has no idea who is going to win the Eagles-Ravens game, and more importantly, Danny Kurily is in his apartment. He owes Grieco so big for this that he’s going to have to buy the kid the fuckin’ moon or something because this is seriously the coolest thing his best friend has ever done for him. It’s the closest game of the entire season – there’s one down left, the score is tied and it could be anyone’s game – and fucking Danny is in his apartment. He barely notices it when Danny’s fingers brush his the first time. And by barely, he really means that he doesn’t immediately pounce on the other man and instead remains aloof about the entire situation. He’s done pretty well so far, in terms of keeping a lid on his intense level of attraction to Danny. But now they are alone in his apartment and their fingers are touching and it’s the last fucking down of the closest football game in history and he’s not sure if his heart is racing more from the touch or the tension and he’s probably about to make the stupidest decision of his entire life.

He slides his fingers anxiously between Danny’s. It’s not quite holding hands, but then their hands are tucked neatly together between their thighs and Danny says, “Fuck, man,” and squeezes his fingers.

“Oh God, I can’t watch. It’s so fucking close,” Matt whines.

The game progresses and they both fall silent, though they’re still holding hands. He doesn’t know if this is intentional or whether Danny is really that absorbed in the game. “Come on, Ravens, come the fuck on...” Unfortunately – for Kurily, at least – an Eagles victory is within sight. Matt holds his breath and clutches Danny’s hand tightly for the last fifteen yards. And the game ends with the final touchdown by the Eagles, prompting Danny to growl, “God-fucking-dammit!”

“Mm, now let’s hear you say that Philly sucks and see how many people agree with you.”

Danny grumbles “... The Ravens were having an off night, okay. Plus I definitely just lost my bet with Kara and Lisa thanks to your stupid fucking football team and I’m about to lose my dignity too – don’t you interrupt and tell me I have none left! – and... fucking football bets ruin everything.”

Matt laughs and says, “You should know better than to make a bet against a lesbian. They know everything, and I’m pretty sure they have some kind of secret sports-betting society that allows them to fix the odds so they can secretly control the country from the comfort of their own homes. It’s a conspiracy.”

“Flyzik, I think that’s the most offensive thing you’ve ever said.”

“It’s not my fault you have no sense of humour! Kara likes my lesbian jokes. Though, she also likes you, so maybe I should question her judgment a little more often...”

Danny rolls his eyes. “If anyone’s behaviour is questionable here, it’s yours. You are seriously the most insensitive little prick sometimes and it makes me want to hit you. And besides that, Kara and Lisa both really like you, so what does that say about them?”

“Since you seem to hate everything about me so much,” Matt sighs, “Then why do we hang out?” He’s more than a little surprised by Danny’s response. Because seriously, the last thing he expected to happen mid-argument – or ever, actually – was for Danny to lean forward and kiss him. He kisses back hungrily, twisting his fingers into the other man’s shirt in an attempt to bring their bodies closer together. Kurily’s hands are at his waist, pulling him in for what’s turning out to be a pretty hot, impromptu make-out session. They end up getting a little horizontal right there on Matt’s couch; Kurily is a surprisingly competent kisser for someone who tends to be annoying as hell and gets under his skin more often than not. And once he gets Danny out of that stupid Ravens jersey, it’s not like they can argue about football anymore, because – come on. Shirtless Kurily in his apartment when his roommate isn’t home. The last thing he wants to use his mouth for is another stupid argument.

&

Rian’s a little surprised when Flyzik and Kurily show up to lunch the day after the Eagles-Ravens game holding hands. But secretly, he’s a little relieved, too, because it means that Danny is effectively out of the running for Grieco’s affection. He’s relieved when the couple opts to sit together and act disgusting, leaving the only available space at their usual table – conveniently – next to Rian, and the only person yet to arrive – conveniently – is Grieco. The thought also occurs to him that – Vinny and Evan aside, since they’re both interested in girls – this also means that he and Grieco are the last of the group to remain unattached. It is sort of weird to see the two of them sucking face instead of arguing. Kara and Lisa seem completely unsurprised by this new development. They share A Look and continue looking completely unconcerned by the whole thing. He’s not really sure if Jack and Alex have noticed any change; they tend not to notice anything besides each other unless it’s an extremely life-altering event. It took them three days to notice that he’d moved the beer fridge to the garage.

He catches sight of Grieco before anyone else and he’s immediately very glad it’s Monday, meaning that they have lecture together after lunch and also that he’s wearing decent-ish clothes for once. Meaning that he’s not wearing a pair of cargo shorts and a sleeveless shirt; instead, he’s got on what Alex calls Real People Clothes – a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. Alex actually chooses the majority of his wardrobe. And Jack’s. Without his help they’d both be dressing like, as Gaskarth so delicately put it, ‘You look like you shoplift at Fashion Bug’. He’s been making a conscious effort to dress better lately; due in part to his massive crush, but it has yet to bear any positive results.

“Hey, Ri,” Grieco says brightly, sliding into the chair next to his. “Did you finish the counterpoint assignme... Oh, geez, we’re outnumbered.”

Evan grumbles, “Just be glad you didn’t have to walk in on that at eleven last night. I’m still not sure I’m going to make a complete recovery from seeing Kurily’s bare ass or the unspeakable horrors that occurred on my couch. We may have to burn it to get rid of the...” he shudders, “evidence.”

“Anyway! Counterpoint. I didn’t completely understand how to look for florid counterpoint, so can we go to the library or something later and talk about that? I would ask Danny but he’s a little... ahem.” It seems like Grieco changed the subject a little too fast; Rian feels an irrational wave of jealousy. But that dissipates when Grieco reaches over him to steal the last of Vinny’s nachos and their arms brush, sending a little tingle up his spine. And the boy looks especially cute today, too; his hair is all fluffy and unstyled and Rian really, really wants to run his fingers through it.

“Yeah – hey, actually, let’s go to the school pub and grab something after class; we can make fun of the weird English lit students and their interpretive poetry or whatever if you want.” It’s a bit of a stretch, but about as much as he’s willing to make in front of their friends short of coming straight out and saying, ‘I have a giant crush on Alex Grieco and kind of really want to date him’. Plus, the school pub works in his favour for two reasons. First – and most importantly – it’s crowded in there most of the time, so they’ll have to sit closer together than they would in the library; second, it’s noisy as hell in there so it gives him plenty of excuses to lean over and talk in Grieco’s ear. Rian Dawson is one clever bastard, if he can – and does – say so himself.

Grieco hugs him quickly and says, “Ahh, you’re the best!” And if anyone notices the blush spreading across his face, they don’t mention it. He’s secretly glad that Cassadee has class all day; everyone knows about her crush on Grieco and honestly, he’s finding it hard to fight the urge to hate her every time she waxes poetic about how cute the kid is. He knows. Oh God, does he ever know.

Admittedly, he’s a little jealous of Danny and Matt’s relationship. He’s had a crush on Grieco since pretty much the first day they all met, would go to the sun and back for the kid, and all Danny and Matt have done – basically since day one – is argue, and now they’re falling into this perfect relationship all of a sudden. It’s frustrating as hell since the farthest he’s ever gotten with Grieco is a couple of hugs that left him wanting more. Some days it feels like nothing is ever going to be enough for him. And if this feeling he’s experiencing isn’t love, then he doesn’t know what is. He’s stupidly overprotective of the younger man, stupidly attracted despite knowing that there’s a blind man’s shot in hell that it will ever work out in his favour. It’s kind of exciting when Grieco links arms with him as they’re walking back to the music building together.

“So, uh, what do you think of Kurily and Flyzik dating?” he asks.

Grieco shrugs. “Well, I kind of left them to it last night under the impression that it was going to happen, so I can’t really say I’m surprised. They’re so cute together! Matt was so happy and flaily earlier, it was hilariously out of character for him. And you know Danny’s just going to be prancing around flaunting it for the rest of the week because that’s how he is...”

“I always kind of thought Kurily had a thing for you, to be honest,” he replies.

“Who, me? Naw,” Grieco says bashfully. “I don’t really think anyone sees me that way.” And the fact that he’s blushing makes it even more cute; Rian kind of wants to tackle him to the ground and kiss him all over. If he only knew...

Rian clears his throat and mumbles, “I dunno, I mean... I think you’re pretty cute.”

This remark earns him a half-assed swat from the perfect creature walking next to him. “Shut up, you’re such a liar! Now come on before you make us both late for advanced theory again or I’ll beat you with the new brushes I got the other day.” He tells himself that it doesn’t mean anything when Grieco grabs for his hand and pulls him through the crowd of freshmen streaming out of one of the main lecture halls, shielding their eyes against the sun and bearing the dazed look of everyone who has ever taken Introduction to Philosophy. It wasn’t so long ago that he himself was among their numbers, struggling through paper after paper about the meaning of life and stupid books about Plato too.

&

When they get to the pub after class, it’s pretty packed. Apparently the only thing that will effectively cure a severe case of the Mondays, in the college set, is a few pints of beer and shitty experimental poetry. Grieco isn’t sure whether the poetry club has realized that approximately ninety percent of its audience is only there to snidely mock them yet or not. He’s trying to pay attention to what Rian is explaining about the difference between the different types of counterpoint, but the concept is totally lost on him. It’s loud and overwhelmingly smelling of beer, so the only thing he can focus on at all is Rian’s breath in his ear and the fingers splayed over his forearm casually. It’s different to the way the jocks in the corner mess with each other; they’re roughhousing, punching each other in the arm and laughing about it, but being around Rian makes him feel... Confused. Because logically, he knows that Rian means something more to him than friendship, but he doesn’t quite know what. And because he doesn’t know how to explain it, he feels weird about it.

“And so, see, this one is in Lydian mode because of where the semitones are sat, right?” Rian says, underlining the notes on the sheet music for him so he can see it. He really doesn’t see it, but he nods anyway and leans into Rian’s side slightly to cut down on the noise filtering into their little corner of the pub. “Still not getting it, huh?”

“I don’t get what the difference is between this one and Dorian mode,” he sighs. “I mean, we’re drummers! Why do we have to read all this stupid sheet music?”

Rian’s arm snakes around his waist. “It’s easier than trying to teach us using the ‘Hit the ticky thing and then bang this really hard’ method? Also, I have a theory that most of the brass section is mentally deficient so we have to learn this stuff to cover for when they fuck up.” He rests his chin on Rian’s shoulder and sighs. “Aw, Grieco, you’ll get it. Don’t stress about it too much. You’ve still got better rhythm than almost anyone I know.”

Despite the reassurance, he doesn’t feel much better. “Feels like I can’t figure anything out these days,” he groans miserably. And it’s true. Ever since that horrible word came into his life – ASEXUAL! ASEXUAL! – he’s been questioning everything he’s ever been taught about how relationships work. He feels a bit like he’s missing the punch-line to every joke. Everyone else has this thing that he’s missing and it bothers him more than ever. What’s the point of a relationship or even trying to have one if it’s going to be... lopsided? All he can think about is how terrible it would feel if he started dating someone knowing that they wanted something from him that he could never give. Or how terrible it would feel to lie and have to try and pretend to be attracted to someone he feels nothing for in that way. The guilt would be too crushing.

But the thing is, he does kind of want a relationship. Not to fit in, but because he likes the idea of having someone that’s just his to do stuff with. “Hey, what’s up with you?” Rian asks.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he says faintly, suddenly wanting more than anything to go back to his room and listen to Vinny reading him texts people have submitted to that stupid website. Or maybe, any other day, he’d go to Matt’s and demand to be cuddled until he feels better, but now he can’t even do that. Because Matt has Danny, so he’s no longer needed as a stand-in boyfriend. And he hasn’t really realized until right now that, um, he maybe kind of wants to be someone’s boyfriend. Just... minus the sex. But with that taken out of the equation, what is a relationship? How does it differ from friendship at all?

Rian gives him a little side-hug and says, “You know what? Let’s get out of here, go back to my place, and play some therapeutic video games before Jack and Alex get back from their night class. I can help you take your mind off things.”

“Never let it be said that Rian Dawson doesn’t know how to make a man happy. You are so my favourite person right now. Are we playing Nazi zombies or will you actually let me win at Mario Kart?” he asks hopefully. All he gets in response to that question is a chuckle from Rian and a vague sense of annoyance when Rian tries to ruffle his hair. He doesn’t really mind, but he’ll pretend to so as not to ruin the moment. After all, the choice between Vinny’s weird rants and playing video games is an obvious one. He’s pretty sure Rian will let him win at Mario at least once. Not that he’s complaining, though, because it kind of makes up for that time he shot Rian’s head off playing Halo. Grieco is a big fan of compromise.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re such a fucking cheater,” Grieco whines before lunging at Rian and very nearly pushing him off the couch. Not that Rian particularly minds – he’s secretly enjoying this a lot more than he probably should – but he hasn’t got the heart to fight back properly, not with the cutest boy in the entire world pawing at him, pouting his lips and looking incredibly kissable. It’s their ninth or tenth round of Mario Kart and he’s refused, thus far, to let Grieco win. To be fair, he’s kind of proud of himself for managing to play as well as he has when he’s watching the boy out of the corner of his eye the entire time. And it is extremely distracting – how the hell is he supposed to concentrate on anything when the object of his affection is sitting there on the couch next to him gnawing on his lower lip while he concentrates? So maybe it was a little mean to use that fuckin’ spike shell thing, but Grieco was just asking for it, looking all adorable like that.

“I wasn’t about to let Princess Peach pass me, I had to do something! Bitch,” he grumbles.

Grieco scowls and elbows him in the side. He retaliates, and somehow – he kind of loses track because he’s laughing too hard – he ends up on top of Grieco on the couch, which is a totally compromising position. Again, not that he minds. But if they keep doing this, it could get very awkward very quickly. He clears his throat and sits up quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “God, you fight dirty too,” Grieco mutters, glaring coldly at him. “Is there anything you won’t cheat on?”

‘You’, he wants to say. Then he realizes he’s been staring again – but it’s hard not to, seriously, with those lips and those eyes – and looks away awkwardly. The silence is broken by Jack racing down the stairs in his underwear. “Put some clothes on, you fuckin’ nympho,” he calls over the half-wall into the kitchen. He’s got hickeys all down his torso and his nipples are pink and swollen, so it’s obvious what he and Alex have been doing.

“Alex wants the whipped cream from the fridge,” Jack replies, rummaging around for the canister noisily. Apparently he’s been very busy this afternoon, judging from the faint pink lines down his back that Rian is almost sure are from his boyfriend’s nails. And the bruises blooming on his hips that just about match Alex’s fingers. He really doesn’t want to know what they get up to when they’re alone, but unfortunately he does get exposed to it often because his bedroom shares a wall with theirs. Consequently, he’s gotten very good at sleeping with earplugs in. He’s also slept through his alarm more than once because he doesn’t always hear it through his earplugs. If there were a sleepy Grieco in his bed, though, maybe he wouldn’t need those anymore...

Jack leans over the half-wall and offers him the nozzle of the whipped cream canister. “Want some before Alex eats it all?” In response, he opens his mouth and waits while Jack sprays some into his waiting maw. Except that Jack’s a little trigger-happy with it so he ends up drooling some of it down his chin, which is tragically unattractive. Grieco leans over him – pressing the palm of his hand into Rian’s knee so he doesn’t lose his balance – and carefully accepts the proffered nozzle. And he somehow manages to make it look sexy; Rian watches helplessly as he parts his lips, swallowing down the fluffy white substance in one gulp – and his fucking throat, dear sweet baby Jesus up in heaven above, the way his throat moves when he swallows – and then licks his lips afterward, tipping his head back with closed eyes and making this hot little ‘Mmm’ sound.

“Jaaaaaaaaack,” Alex hollers from upstairs, “What’s taking you so long?”

“I would love to stay and chat, but my man needs me,” Jack smirks. “I’m coming, baby,” he shouts before running back up the stairs, taking them two at a time. A few seconds later the door to his and Alex’s shared bedroom slams shut.

Grieco rolls his eyes and asks, “Do they ever stop?” He pauses for a minute, leans forward and drags his thumb over Rian’s lower lip slowly. “You had some whipped cream on your lip,” he explains, licking it off his thumb while looking at Rian innocently. “What?”

“N-nothing,” Rian stutters. “Wanna go another round of Mario Kart and see if you can beat me this time?” He’s having a little difficulty tearing his eyes away from Grieco’s lips – and breathing, if he’s being entirely honest – so a distraction would be greatly appreciated. Damn Jack for putting him into this situation to begin with. Now he’s never going to be able to get that image out of his mind, which is bad since he and Grieco are definitely Just Friends. And people that are friends definitely don’t sit there staring at their friend’s lips and fantasizing about kissing them. So he maybe kind of lets himself lose the next round of Mario and it’s maybe kind of worth it to see Grieco smile when he finally wins for once. The hug he gets is definitely worth it. It leaves him feeling all flushed and tingly. He’s so thoroughly fucked, in other words. The crush keeps getting more and more hopeless.

&

Vinny is bustling around their dorm room getting ready to take some girl on a date when it happens. He’s just lying there on his bed, watching the spectacle unfold, and he asks, “What makes this girl so special?” He watches as Vinny digs through his drawers, tossing perfectly good clothes onto the floor that end up getting mixed in with his dirty laundry. Shirt after shirt goes flying through the air only to end up in the growing heap in the middle of the room.

“I dunno, man, she’s fucking gorgeous?” Vinny holds up a shirt, squints at it, and asks, “What do you think of this one? It kind of reminds me too much of something a guido would wear.”

Grieco responds with, “You are kind of a guido sometimes, so it’s okay. Seriously, though, what does it even feel like when you like a girl? I don’t get it.” He’s been in a deeply pensive mood all week. There’s really no one else for him to talk to about this kind of thing; Jack and Alex never break apart long enough to have an actual conversation with either of them, he doesn’t want to bother Matt since he’s been working all week and what little free time he does have he spends with Danny, and he feels weird talking to Evan about it since they’re not really particularly close. He would talk to Rian about it, but. Something about the thought makes him feel all weird and the idea of saying the word – ASEXUAL! ASEXUAL FREAK SHOW! – causes his throat to feel tight and threaten to close up on him.

Vinny sits down at the foot of his bed, looks at him very seriously, and says, “You would choose now to discuss your fledgling sexuality crisis with me.”

“I – what, do you, how did you...” he stammers.

“Anyone can tell something is going on with you. You’re jumpy as fuck and you act all weird anytime someone brings up relationships lately, so I figured you probably had a crush on somebody you shouldn’t and that’s why you’re acting all... sketchy.” Vinny holds up two different shoes and looks at him helplessly. “Pick one, I can’t decide.”

He considers. “Uh... I don’t know, you’ll probably be more comfortable in your Converse? And what even makes you think that? I haven’t been acting any different than I normally do.”

“Well, I want you to know that I don’t care what sexuality you are. Unless, y’know, you had a crush on me, then we might have a problem.” Vinny chuckles; Grieco just feels awkward and wants to wither away or suddenly develop a chameleon-like ability to blend in with his surroundings. This is the most mortifying conversation he’s ever had. And the worst part is that he can tell that Vinny’s being totally serious. “You’re one of my best friends, bro. I just want you to be happy and I don’t care who you wanna date.”

It comes out before he can stop it, and almost immediately he wishes he could take back the word vomit that spews out. “I kind of... IthinkI’masexual,” he whispers. So there it is.

Vinny drops his hair gel and the bottle goes skittering underneath his bed. “What?”

Grieco rolls over and buries his face in the pillow. “I think I’m asexual,” he mumbles, hugging the pillow. He’s afraid to look up and see Vinny’s expression. The word hangs in the air for at least a whole minute before either of them say anything. He feels the mattress shift under Vinny’s weight and them a hand sitting awkwardly on his shoulder. Everything feels awful; there are tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall, and it feels like he wants to scream or throw up or do anything to rid himself of this horrible, horrible sense that something is wrong with him.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, don’t be upset. Grieco, Grieco, don’t be upset, I was just asking, I didn’t know...” And he sobs quietly into his bedding while Vinny rubs his back because neither of them knows what to do. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s alright. No one is going to think any less of you for this. Although, certain things make a lot more sense to me now...”

“I hate myself,” he sighs.

Vinny pets his hair. “Don’t. You want to know something funny, though?”

“What?”

“I kind of always thought you had a crush on Rian, to be honest...”

He groans and rubs his face wearily. He’s been trying not to think about that. “I don’t even know what having a crush on someone feels like,” he whispers. “Like, how is it any different than normal friendship besides really wanting to have sex with the person?”

“I think...” Vinny says, “I think it’s about how they make you feel. I dunno, like, you feel happier when they’re around and you just want to smile all the time, maybe, and it’s kind of... You feel lighter, somehow, and all you want to do is hug them or cuddle, I guess? And – okay, I’m really not supposed to say this because he will totally hit me if he finds out I told you, but – you know Ri has, like, a huge crush on you, right?”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s the most fucking obvious thing in the world. You two should just... date already.”

He curls up in the fetal position. “But I don’t... I mean, I don’t think I like him that way. We’re just friends. Right?”

Vinny rolls his eyes. “I kind of think there’s a little more than friendship between you two, but it’s up to you what you do with it. Speaking of doing it,” he says, “You mind finding somewhere else to be for the night so I can bring my girl back here after our date?” And because Grieco is the best friend ever, he nods forlornly and sighs before curling up in the corner of his bed. The things he does for his friends in their endless pursuit of sex... They totally owe him, like, a fuckin’ trophy or something for the amount of patience he’s had for their crazy shenanigans.

&

When Rian’s phone rings, he’s got his hand down the front of his boxers and he’s trying desperately to get off. It kind of goes without saying what – or in this case, who – he’s fantasizing about. Wide, innocent brown eyes, pouty lips, slightly calloused hands from years of playing the drums... He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Grieco all day and that thing with the whipped cream sent his mind spiralling down into the gutter. So the first time his phone rings, he ignores it. Then it starts ringing again less than five minutes later, so he figures it’s got to be kind of important. It wouldn’t be the first time his mother’s called while he’s been jerking off. He flips it open without checking the call display and finds himself pleasantly surprised by the voice on the other end of the line.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

He sits up ramrod straight. “I – Hey – Uh, n-no, I’m... I’m free,” he says, stumbling over the words and trying to keep all traces of arousal out of his voice. “What’s up?” But he’s a total fuckin’ hypocrite, because even as he’s holding his phone in one hand he’s working his dick with the other.

“Um, Vinny needs our room tonight for... y’know, and I don’t want to go to Matt’s because he’s got a date and so... Can I stay with you? Please?” Grieco asks. And his hand is still down his boxers, the sound of Grieco’s voice is only turning him on more, and now he’s probably got about fifteen minutes to take care of business at most.

Clearing his throat loudly, he answers, “Y-yeah, totally, but just as a warning I might be in the shower when you get here.” A very, very cold shower, but a shower nonetheless.

“That’s okay, I’ll just hang out in your room or something.” The idea of Grieco in his bed is quite appealing, but – dammit – that is not something he should be thinking about now. Or ever. Preferably ever, now that he thinks about it, because there’s way less potential for humiliation that way. “Anyway, I’ll be there in like ten minutes? You’re the best, seriously.”

“Uh, ‘kay? See ya soon,” he says quickly. Then, he dashes out into the hallway, nearly knocking Alex over. He tries to explain with, “Grieco – Vinny – date – our house – I’m, I need to take a cold shower so now is really not the time!” and then locks himself in the bathroom and turns the shower knob all the way to the right before stepping under the icy spray. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really do much in the way of helping to solve his problem, so after about thirty seconds of being blasted by cold water, he turns the heat up and gives in to his... urge. He stands under the showerhead, jerking himself furiously. The thoughts flipping through his mind aren’t even fully formed; when he comes all over his hand he’s still thinking of Grieco. In the back of his mind he feels really guilty for being such a creep.

Even though he knows it’s completely ridiculous, he takes his time in the shower. It’s stupid; he’s trying to impress a boy who will never see him as anything more than a friend. When he finally goes back to his room – first checking to make sure there’s no sign of Alex or Jack, whom Alex has undoubtedly told about his little episode in the hallway – the first thing he sees is Grieco lying on his bed. Which... creates a lot of conflicting feelings for him, because he’s still kind of riding his post-orgasm high and so most of the things he wants to do involve getting naked and a lot of kissing as a beautiful expression of his love or some equally semantic shit.

“Mm, hey,” Grieco sighs, looking quite at home curled up on Rian’s bed. His voice is hoarse; it kind of sounds like he’s been crying and Rian is struck by this intense need to hold him. “Can I please stay here and, like, not move?”

Rian shuffles through the responses forming in his head – ‘What’s wrong, baby?’ is definitely not appropriate and neither is ‘Fkjldfsa let me hold you and make it all better’ – and settles for a casual, “You okay?”

“Not really... I’m having a fuckin’ shitty day and everything is wrong.”

It takes him about five seconds to decide that – fuck it – he can’t stand to see Grieco upset and even less than that to be on the bed wrapping his arms around the younger man. “I’m here for you,” he says, “Whatever you need.” This is the part where, if he were dreaming, they would come together in a montage with a sappy romantic soundtrack and start kissing softly – leading to some hot, passionate love-making, of course – but real life is not like the movies. Grieco whimpers and curls into his chest unhappily and it makes his heart ache. “C’mere, it’s okay. Don’t cry, don’t cry, I’m right here... Fuck.” He’s decided that he’s going to punch whoever made his boy cry.

“I’m s-sorry for coming over here and being all, like, a mess... I just c-can’t go anywhere else and Matt’s always busy and I’m sorry for always bugging you b-but I don’t even want anyone else right now besides y-you...” Yeah. He doesn’t know the exact reason Grieco is a crying, shaking mess right now, but he is definitely going to end that person’s life prematurely when he finds out who to blame. When it comes to Alex Grieco, he can’t be rational. Because, well, he’s kind of head-over-heels for the guy, so the idea of him crying is highly distressing. He is not sure how to react at all.

“Please don’t cry, baby, it’s okay,” he says helplessly. Rian’s never been very good at comforting anyone, much less the love of his life. It’s fuckin’ painful as hell knowing that there’s nothing – or at least, very little – that he can do to help. He’s a man of action. He needs to fix things. “Did, um, did you want to talk about it, or... Or you could just... Or, okay...”

“I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to go to sleep.”

Sigh. “Okay. Did you want me to sleep down on the couch or, um... Are-are you...?”

Grieco sniffles delicately and cuddles farther into his arms, if that’s even possible. “It’s your bed, you should stay. An’ I don’t really want to be alone right now, if you don’t mind...”

“No, no, it’s fine, you can just.... you know... be in my bed, it’s okay, we’ll...” He decides that it’s in his best interest to shut up now, before he says anything embarrassing that he will regret later. That is how he ends up holding Grieco until the boy falls asleep and stays awake for a long time afterward, stroking his hair and – as if he hadn’t already won the creeper award for the day – watching him sleep. Once he’s positive that the gorgeous boy in his arms is really asleep, he leans over, presses his lips to Grieco’s forehead softly and whispers, “Love you” before finally going to sleep himself.

&

Grieco wakes up with Rian’s arms still tight around his waist. It’s kind of a nice feeling, to be honest. So he lies there a while with his cheek pressed against Rian’s chest, comfortable and relaxed and... Well, it makes him feel really safe, like nothing’s changed about his life and everything’s going to be okay somehow. But at the same time, he feels all warm and tingly and that, he’s almost positive, is a symptom of his growing feelings for the older man. He’s nervous about that. Because he’s okay with the idea of being in a relationship, and he likes the idea of holding hands and cuddling and even kissing, maybe, but... It’s not really fair to start a relationship with anyone when he’s not interested in one of the major components of a relationship. He couldn’t do that to Rian. On the other hand... he maybe kind of wants to hold hands and cuddle with the guy... and possibly also to kiss him, if it ever comes to that.

“Hi there,” Rian says sleepily, barely stifling a yawn. “D’d you sleep okay?”

He groans and burrows further under the covers; he doesn’t remember falling asleep with them on, so Rian must have tucked him in at some point. “Mmmmmm, don’t wanna move.” Having his hair played with is really soothing and makes him a little sleepy. The combination of that and Rian’s steady breathing causes him to doze off for a few minutes more. “Ummmmm,” he sighs happily. “That feels nice...” Okay, so he’s a sucker for being cuddled. What else is new?

“Hmmm?”

“Never mind.” The awful part is that, as much as he wishes he could just lie in Rian’s bed all day, he actually has stuff to do. He’s supposed to help Matt, Danny and Evan get ready for the Halloween party they’re all going to later. He’s supposed to help Vinny with the essay for Organic Bio. He’s not supposed to be developing a crush on one of his best fucking friends. Finally – after another ten minutes of being held because he’s feeling particularly needy – he has to say, “I should get up, I’m supposed to go to Matt’s and help them get ready.”

Rian’s grip on his waist slackens enough that he can sit up and stretch. “Okay, but promise you’ll call if you guys need anything? I’m just gonna chug Red Bull all day and play Call of Duty solo since you’re abandoning me...”

“Yeah, yeah, cry me a river. But seriously,” he says, feeling all of his joints crack as he stands up, “Thank you for last night. I’ll see you at the girls’ later.” After a brief period of consideration, he grabs a hoodie from Rian’s closet and pulls it on, explaining, “It’s supposed to be fuckin’ cold out today, so you can have this back when I see you.” It has nothing to do with his newly-found desire to keep smelling Rian even after he’s gone, because... How did he not notice before that Rian smells kind of, um, delicious? He doesn’t care that it’s a little too big for him or that the sleeves hang down past his fingertips.

The walk to Matt’s apartment is short enough that it only takes three songs on his iPod to get him there. Evan’s car is in its designated spot, so they’ve probably started without him. He’s had his own key to Matt’s for over a year, so it’s no problem when he lets himself in. Vinny’s sitting on the arm of the couch, feet in Danny’s lap, and Danny is wearing a shirt that is quite recognizably Matt’s. “Hey, champ, how was your night?” Vinny asks brightly.

“Eh,” he shrugs. “What’s Evan doi – Oh dear lord.” Evan emerges from his bedroom wearing a suit of clashing plaids, a bald-cap and a fake moustache stuck to his upper lip. He’s even got the tacky wing-tip shoes Danny thought were so cool in sophomore year on, which only adds to the overall creepiness of the outfit. It’s possibly the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen.

Very quietly, Vinny says, “... What are you wearing?”

“It’s my used-car salesman costume! Look!” Evan beams, doing an awkward sort of twirl in the middle of the kitchen to show off his... killer threads, emphasis possibly on ‘killer’.

“You look like my uncle Panini.”

Evan replies, “But you don’t have an uncle Panini...” and adjusts his moustache.

“Well, I do now!” Vinny stares at him for a minute longer, then says, “Hey, put my sunglasses on and you’ll look like the kind of guy that sits in parking lots after school and gawks at the Catholic school girls. And that, gentlemen, is how a legend is born.”

“... Vin, what are you even supposed to be?”

“I’m a douchebag,” he says proudly.

Grieco sighs and slumps down onto the couch beside Danny. “You dress like a douchebag every other day of the year! That hardly counts as a costume at all.” He only half-listens to their conversation on the merits of Heineken versus Jagermeister and instead cuddles into his borrowed hoodie as far as possible and deeply contemplates the matter of his emerging crush on Rian. He waits for a lull in the conversation – and Matt to finish showering because he seriously takes millennia to get ready for a dude whose wardrobe is exclusively made up of band t-shirts and jeans – before bringing it up. He clears his throat anxiously and asks, “Uh... do you guys think Rian wants to have sex with me?”

Matt laughs. “Yeah, he wants to do that and then make you breakfast afterward.”

“I think I have a crush on him.”

Vinny looks confused. “But I thought – and you said – but you – and there was...”

He hugs his knees to his chest and plays with the cuffs of the sleeves on Rian’s hoodie. “I know! And I do like him, I just don’t want to have sex with him. Or anyone. Ever. So I don’t know how that would work in a dating-type scenario, which really sucks because I kind of... want that. With him. Possibly. A lot.”

Matt hugs him over the back of the couch and murmurs, “Oh, honey...” into his hair. “He’s not going to care. And if he does have a problem with it, I’ll break his kneecaps.” Which makes him laugh, because the idea of Matt breaking anyone’s kneecaps is slightly ridiculous. He weighs about a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. It’s a relief to know that his best friends, at least, don’t think he’s a total freak. The word seems less glaring in the back of his mind now. Other people knowing how he feels is way more freeing than he thought it would be.

&

The turnout to the party is pretty good, to Kara’s mind, though she wishes that utter skank-bag Cassadee would leave poor Grieco alone. She’s been hanging all over him all night, and he’s such a delicate little thing that someone should probably step in before the bitch starts rubbing herself all over him like a cat in heat. She grabs the first one of their little group she can find - incidentally, it just so happens to be Rian, which is convenient – and says, “Can you go save Grieco from that slut-faced whore, please? I don’t know who invited her but that chick has got to go. Seriously. She doesn’t even go here. I want her and her army of skanks out of my house.”

Rian gives her a funny little look and says, weakly, “Does it have to be me? He looks all...”

“Go, be his knight in shining armour. You can be as annoyingly protective as you’d like and I’m sure he won’t mind,” she mutters.

Okay, full disclosure: Cassadee probably isn’t as much of a skank as Kara makes her out to be, but the thing is that Kara has very good reasons to hate her. In freshman year, the bitch tried to make out with Lisa at a party. Then she started all but stalking Grieco in this demented campaign to get him to go out with her, and it upsets Rian whenever she’s around because Ri is completely and utterly in love with Grieco, and as his best friend it is her sworn duty to keep the slut away from his crush. It really helps that she thinks Rian and Grieco would look adorable together, and it’s hard not to ‘awwww’ whenever Rian fawns over the boy, which he does quite frequently.

She gives Rian a well-deserved shove and hisses, “Get going already before she sinks her claws into him” right in his ear. It’s an extremely valid concern. He looks so nervous and shy as he approaches the younger man, wrapping an arm around Grieco’s waist in a way that is definitely more than just friendly. And though she can’t tell exactly what is being said because it’s too noisy, she can sort of read their body language, and from what she’s picking up it looks pretty good for Rian. Grieco laughs, smiles, and leans into Rian. They’re too cute together. “Oh, come on Ri, just ask him out already,” she sighs.

A pair of familiar arms snake around her waist. “Oh, would you let that poor boy have a moment alone with him already?” Lisa scolds her playfully. “Don’t forget how long it took you to ask me ‘cause everybody wouldn’t leave you alone for long enough to do it. Having you watching over him like a hawk probably isn’t helping his nerves any.”

“Yes, your highness. Maybe if I had a distraction I wouldn’t be forced to spend my time living vicariously through my best friend’s love life...” she murmurs, hating the fact that the heels she’s currently wearing make her so much taller than her girlfriend. “Hey, we should go make sure no one is having sex in our bedroom or anything.”

“Is that code for ‘I’ve had enough of this dress and these heels and I’d like you to unzip me, please’, lady?”

“Always. And if the rest of my clothes happen to come off in the process, well... So be it.” She looks over her shoulder just once as Lisa leads her away and sees her best friend with his arms around Grieco, grinning like a fool. He catches her eye and mouths the words ‘He said yes!’ Mission accomplished. Now, to get her girlfriend out of those pesky clothes...

&

His heart is pounding in his chest as soon as he walks out the front door of the house on his way to pick up Grieco for their first date. It’s not like it’s anything that exciting – they’re just going to see the shitty bands that play at the pub every Thursday – but he’s still incredibly nervous because, hi. He’s going on a date with the boy of his dreams. They’re going on a date. Together. With each other. There is a large possibility that they will hold hands. Alex tried to force a thing of breath-freshener strips upon him because, according to him, “You should be prepared to kiss him whenever. If you two have a shitty first kiss I’m going to smack you upside the head.” Then Alex also tried to give him twenty dollars for the cover charge, so that’s probably just Alex’s way of saying he approves of the relationship. He only brushed his teeth about eight times before leaving the house, because, seriously. Date with Grieco. Holy shit, he’s so nervous he’s going to die.

He’s been replaying the memory of Grieco smiling at him and saying, “I really like you too,” over and over in his mind to remind himself that it actually happened. Grieco’s arms around his neck, the cute little smile, the really long hug at the end of the night... He’d consider writing Cassadee a thank-you card for setting him up with the perfect occasion to ask Grieco out, but she’s such an unscrupulous whore that he doesn’t really want to bother.

Grieco’s waiting for him in front of the dorms, looking cuter than ever. Damn. “Hey, you,” he says nervously, rocking back and forth on his toes. “Ready to go?” Which is a dumb question. He’s dumb. He’s dumb, and so completely awkward. So he’s infinitely glad when his date – and how completely fuckin’ exciting is that, seriously – reaches for his hand and smiles at him. They talk about stupid stuff the entire way across campus because he’s too nervous to think of anything intelligent to say and he kind of can’t think, period, since they’re holding hands and his entire body is practically vibrating with nerves.

“Ri, stop being nervous. It’s just me,” Grieco says, squeezing his fingers lightly. And right on cue, his heart flutters in his chest. They’ve arrived fashionably late, so the first band is already playing. He kind of planned it that way so the place would already be full enough that he’d have an excuse for them to keep holding hands and so that they’ll have to stand closer together than usual. It’s a plan that is totally working, too; they end up standing towards the back – far enough away from the stage to look casually unimpressed but still interested enough to be there – and a few songs in, he’s finally convinced himself that it’s okay if he wants to put his arm around Grieco. Because they’re on a date. A fact which makes him want to pinch himself because he can’t believe that it’s actually happening.

“So, um, ‘re you having fun?” he asks anxiously.

“Other than that kid totally murdering the syncopation on their last song? Yeah. You’re cute when you’re all nervous like this.” It’s loud enough that Grieco has to lean over to talk into his ear, so he takes the opportunity and slips his arm around the boy’s waist. “Hi,” Grieco says softly, leaning into him just enough that everyone around them can probably tell that they are An Item. “I’m really glad you asked me out, you know.”

And – oh fuck, he is seriously the most adorable when he blushes, holy shit – Rian replies, “Well, I’m really glad you said yes,” sheepishly before getting all cheesy and kissing him on the cheek. “I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a really long time.”

“Awww, Ri...” Grieco purrs, reaching for his other hand. “You’re such a dork.”

It’s not the best first date ever – it’s noisy and it’s crowded – but as long as he gets to stand there with his arms around Alex Grieco, it’s perfect. They spend the next hour making stupid comments to each other about anything and everything like they normally would and he starts to feel less nervous. After the second band the crowd starts to filter out, slowly, off to other bars or house parties. “Hey,” he murmurs, “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, ‘kay. Will you walk me home though?” It’s adorable that Grieco even has to ask; they hold hands the entire way back and it doesn’t matter that his hands are sweaty or that he feels like an asshole in the shirt Alex picked out for him. When they get back to the dorms, he starts to feel nervous again. “So um,” Grieco says, biting his lower lip, “I had a really good time with you tonight.”

His heart is pounding in his chest again. “I’m, um, I’m really glad.” And this is the part where he’s supposed to be all smooth, lean in and kiss Grieco goodnight, but he’s too nervous and too awkward to. He really wants to, though. Maybe if he sort of announces his intentions – or is that too weird, he doesn’t even know – or starts to lean in and goes by the ninety-ten rule? It’s safer to go for another hug first, he decides, and it ends up being one of those lovely, really long ones that make his whole body tingle. “I, can I kiss you right now?” he asks. Not that he’s been thinking about it all night – or all week – or anything, just. Grieco looks so goddamn kissable he can’t stand it any longer.

“Uh, y-yeah.”

Everything feels like it’s in slow motion: He’s leaning in slowly, trying not to appear too nervous, and then his eyes are closed and their lips are touching softly. The butterflies in his stomach are about to reach maximum velocity. Grieco kisses back, moves closer to him, and pretty much the only thing he can think is ‘omg, kissing! Aaaaaaah holy shit’ because. Holy shit. Kissing Grieco. And the thing about it is that he’s afraid to move to fast, so they’re just standing in the entryway to the building and kissing and he’s not really sure how or when his fingers ended up in Grieco’s hair, but he’s not complaining. When he finally forces himself to pull away, he kind of forgets how to breathe for a minute. “God, you’re so,” he mumbles, trailing his fingers over the younger man’s cheek. “We should do this again sometime. If you want to, I mean...”

“I do want to! You’re... you’re all... Yeah. So, um, I’ll see you in the morning, I guess?” Grieco asks shyly. God, if he gets any cuter Rian is totally going to die. He ends up standing there and waiting until Grieco has gone inside, and then, once he’s sure no one is going to see him, he grins like a fool and does a little happy dance, right there in the parking lot of the dorms on campus. This has officially been the best date of his entire life. And he’s totally going to get up early tomorrow so he can be all stupidly romantic and buy Grieco coffee or something before class because he kind of lives to see the boy smile these days.


	3. Chapter 3

So dating Rian is a lot like not dating Rian, except that it’s completely different. They hold hands a lot. Rian walks him to class. And they cuddle, like, all the time, which is nice. Grieco is a big fan of cuddling, especially since his maybe-possibly-potential-boyfriend-person is super affectionate and warm and prone to pulling him down onto any and all soft, comfortable surfaces for impromptu cuddle sessions. It’s awesome, except for the sense of nagging guilt he has because he kind of still hasn’t told Rian that he’s asexual. Because then he thinks about it every time they kiss, so then he can’t even enjoy it, which is bad because he really, really enjoys the whole kissing part of their relationship. Rian is pretty much the sweetest guy ever, meaning that Grieco feels really fucking bad about keeping it from him.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to say anything, it’s just that it’s hard to find the right moment when Rian is always cuddling him and kissing him. It would make him officially the worst person ever if he said it while Rian is being all affectionate towards him. He doesn’t know how to say it without making it seem like a rejection, which is a huge problem considering he’d really like to, you know, keep dating the guy since he’s really great. This is incredibly frustrating since they’re not officially in a relationship; Rian hasn’t asked him yet and with that particular issue still up in the air, he’s not about to ask when there’s a very good chance he’s going to want to put his foot in his mouth after they talk about... that. He can’t exactly say, ‘Hey, so I want you to be my boyfriend, but you should also know that I kind of don’t want to have sex with you. Ever. But don’t feel bad, because I don’t want to have sex with anyone.’ Somehow he thinks Rian is going to be... less than thrilled by this news. In the probably-going-to-break-up-with-him way. He thinks about it all through their counterpoint lecture while Rian holds his hand under the desk.

“I need to talk to you about something after class, ‘kay?” he whispers while their professor is drawing some horribly complicated-looking rhythm on the whiteboard as an example. And he sits there for the rest of the hour watching the clock because it seems to be counting down the minutes until what could either be one of the best or worst moments of his life. Once the rest of the students start leaving the room, Rian tries to kiss him but he pulls away awkwardly and says, “Ri, this is actually kind of serious. Let’s find somewhere quiet ‘cause it’s... this is something really important.” Then he feels guilty for leaving Rian hanging because if this goes badly they’re never going to kiss again.

“Hey, you’ve been awful quiet today,” Rian says, tracing the lines in the palm of his hand gently. “You okay?” They’re sitting in the corner of the student commons, which is not exactly the ideal place to be doing this, but... there is never going to be an ideal place or time to do it. So he jumps in head-first with absolutely no idea what to say and the words just kind of come out.

“I’m... There’s something I should have told you,” he sighs, “when we first started dating. And now I’m afraid to because I feel like you have this certain expectation of me and I’m going to feel really fuckin’ awful when you realize that I am never going to be able to meet that expectation.” A huge group of giggling freshman girls in matching leggings and those ugly brown boots passes by, so he waits before continuing. Part of him wants to tell the girls, though, that those leggings really don’t double as pants if they’re sort of sheer enough that everyone can tell what colour thong they’re wearing underneath. Another part of him kind of wants to introduce them to Vinny. He snuffles and clears his throat, staring down at their hands tucked between their thighs.

Rian says, “But I don’t expect anything from you except whatever you want to give me.”

He says, “You expect things without knowing that you expect them, Ri. And so... I guess that’s why I’m telling you this now, instead of later? Only I don’t know how to say it without being completely obvious about it, so I... just...” He’s already having to blink the tears back, so they can’t look at each other or he really will start crying. “I’m asexual, Ri. Like... I don’t want to... I-I-I can’t, I don’t feel that way about you, but I still want to be with you.”

“Grieco, I’m... I... Then why did you agree to go out with me in the first place if you don’t...?” Rian’s rubbing his head, frowning, chewing on his lip. “I think we should maybe not see each other for a little while.”

Which is, to be fair, kind of what he expected to happen, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less and it doesn’t stop the tears from falling as he walks, dejected, back to his dorm alone. Vinny and Evan are there when he gets home, so they see him collapse unhappily onto the bed, sobbing. Less than thirty seconds later he feels both of them crawling onto his bed beside him, and then Vinny is rubbing his back and Evan’s already on the phone with Matt, telling him “You need to get over here right fucking now, your best friend is upset and he needs you.”

Vinny says to Evan, “Take my student card and go buy him the biggest tub of gummy worms you can find and get a huge-ass bag of M&M’s too.” He moves farther up the bed and then his fingers are in Grieco’s hair, rubbing his scalp soothingly, and he whispers, “It’s okay, he’s an asshole and he didn’t deserve you anyway.”

“But Vin, I’m in love with him,” Grieco sobs weakly, curling up into a little ball so his roommate can keep stroking his hair. He cries for a long time and for once, Vinny doesn’t act like a complete asshole about things. They stay like that until Matt arrives, and even then the three of them stay in his bed; Vinny bites all of the red gummy worms in half for him so he won’t have to eat the disgusting yellow parts and Matt holds him and tells him all of the rather inventive ways he’s planning on ending Rian. Evan calls his girlfriend and asks her to bring over every soppy break-up movie ever, and the four of them sit in the lounge until late, watching shitty Drew Barrymore rom-coms and eating way too much candy and chocolate.

&

Rian pushes his face into Alex’s stomach and groans. It’s not the same. Because first of all, Alex belongs to somebody else – who also happens to be one of his best friends – and secondly because it’s not Alex that he wants to be with. He’s been wallowing in his own abject misery for a week and a half and he only keeps feeling more miserable. He doesn’t know how else to feel in the face of the most crippling rejection he’s ever faced. All he’s done for eleven and a half days is lie on the couch watching crappy daytime talk shows throwing popcorn at Tyra Banks and Ellen every time they have a show about people making their unconventional relationships work. Fuck, he doesn’t want to hear about people making it work. Grieco doesn’t want him. Alex and Jack finally realized something was wrong with him and now Alex stays home with him because – according to them – sitting in his underwear shouting at their third-favourite lesbian isn’t healthy behaviour.

“You could talk to him, you know,” Alex murmurs, flipping the television between a rerun of Spongebob and CNN. “I talked to Matt yesterday and from what he said, Grieco is at least half as miserable as you are without him.”

“Mmmmmf.”

Alex sighs and forces him to sit up. “You’re being ridiculous, Ri. You’re acting like an insensitive, self-centered brat, and I’m fucking sick of it. Okay? So the guy you like-”

“-I’m in love with him,” Rian interjects.

“Alright, so the guy you love doesn’t want to have sex with you. Is that really the end of the world? Is that really all you’re interested in him for? Because if that’s it, then that’s kind of shitty, bro.” Alex picks at the hole in his t-shirt like a concerned mother. It’s – to be really honest – kind of annoying. And it’s completely hypocritical of Alex to say something like that, considering his relationship with Jack appears to be solely based on sex. The dark purple hickey peeking out from the v-neck of his shirt is the brand of a fool. “Hey, fucking listen to me, you raging asshole.”

Rian groans again and throws a handful of stale popcorn at him. He doesn’t want to listen. He wants to lie there until the end of the world because – of course – the only good thing in his life was too good to be true. Alex doesn’t even understand what it’s like to feel unwanted by the one person he wants more than anything. Because all stupid Alex does is have loud sex with his stupid boyfriend and it makes him feel even worse because... It just feels really awful. He imagines his heart as a smoldering pile of ash sitting low in his chest – which is kind of true, actually – and lies his head on Alex’s shoulder. “Oh, you’re one to talk. All you and Jack ever do is have sex.”

Alex frowns. “That’s not true. Remember last winter when my depression got so bad I refused to leave my room for a month?”

Rian nods. Alex had been a pissy little bitch then and he yelled – at least once a day, usually more – about how much he hated himself and everyone around him whenever someone tried to talk to him. “Yeah,” he says, unsure of where this story is going or what it has to do with the fact that his heart is irreversibly broken.

“Remember how mean I was to Jack when my doctor switched my meds and how many times he slept on the couch because I didn’t want him around me? We didn’t have sex that entire time. Every night I tried to make him sleep on the couch, he waited until I was asleep and then he’d come back upstairs and hold me because he missed me. I was, like, incapable of sex during that whole time and he still took care of me. No matter how much shit I said to him, he never went away. That’s how I knew he was in love with me. He was willing to compromise and he stayed with me through one of my worst depressions and never asked for anything in return. And some days I still don’t feel much like having sex with him, and yeah, we get pissed at each other sometimes because of it, but... In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the most important part of our relationship by a long stretch. I love him more for the little things, you know? Like, he reminds me every morning to take my meds and just... Ri, you can’t completely write him off because of one stupid thing that you can work around. I can see how much you love him, and it kills me that you two aren’t together anymore.”

Alex’s speech has him in tears. He presses his face into Alex’s shoulder and cries shakily. “Fuck, you’re such an asshole, stop making me feel like shit about it.”

“Ri, you can’t really miss something you’ve never had with somebody. He’s still the same person you fell in love with. You see that, don’t you?” His entire body is trembling and he feels like he’s going to throw up. “He’s still the same kid you spent a year pining over. So don’t throw that away over something stupid that you two can work out, okay? I love you, bro.” Alex perks up when he hears the front door click open.

Jack looks at them curled up on the couch and pouts. “You guys are cuddling and didn’t invite me?” Rian watches the way his best friends look at each other – Alex’s eyes just completely light up and he’s got this stupid little smile on his face – and he decides, yeah, that’s love.

“How was class, love?” Alex asks, leaning up to meet Jack’s lips.

“Would’ve been better if you were there,” Jack whines childishly. “I missed you. If I have a nap, will you come lay with me for a bit before my next class?”

Rian nudges Alex with his elbow – trying to say that he’ll be okay without having to come right out and say it – until Alex sighs and says, “Yeah, I’ll be up in a bit. I just need to finish talking to Rian about something first. But I promise I’ll come up and hold you soon, okay babe?” Once Jack has disappeared upstairs, Alex looks at him seriously and tells him, “If you don’t talk to him soon, I’m going to tell Matt that he has my full permission to break your kneecaps. Either that, or I’m going to tell Kara what you’ve done and let you face her wrath.”

“Okay, okay,” he groans. “I’ll go talk to him, but I kind of need a shower first.”

Alex pats him on the back and says, cheerfully, “That’s the spirit. You have nothing to be afraid of; he loves you too. Now go get cleaned up and then get your boy back. I’m going to go hang out with Jack; he’s been feeling kind of neglected ever since you decided to be a douche-nozzle and break up with Grieco over something this dumb.” Yeah, Alex really fuckin’ sucks at cursing. He should know; he has to listen to it every time Alex and Jack have sex. Douche-nozzle. What kind of word is that?

&

It’s late – maybe ten or eleven o’clock at night – when someone knocks on their door. Grieco barely even looks up from the textbook he’s been poring over for the last hour, just rolls his eyes and says, “Vinny, get the door,” miserably. He’s not surprised when a pair of rolled-up socks hit him in the head. He has been kind of unbearably clingy ever since the break-up and Vinny’s gotten the worst of it on the basis that they’re roommates, so he doesn’t really ever get a break from it.

But he is surprised when Vinny shuts the door most of the way, looks at him and stage-whispers, “It’s Rian and he says he wants to talk to you! D’you want me to let him in, or...”

“Yeah, whatever.” He’s surprised to hear his own voice agreeing to it before he’s even thought about it. Fuck. But on the other hand, just the thought of talking to Rian makes his heart swell and ache. He flips his book shut and sits up, trying to at least look better than he feels, which is a feat considering he’s wearing one of Vinny’s varsity soccer t-shirts and a pair of baggy, stained pajama bottoms. In other words, it looks kind of like he’s been to hell and back recently; his bangs are flopping in his eyes and the roots are starting to grow in where Lisa convinced him it would be a good idea to bleach his hair to make him feel better about everything. It’s stupid that he even cares what he looks like or what Rian even thinks about him since they’re broken up. Neither of them are supposed to care. He’s defective anyway. Damaged goods, relationship-wise, since he doesn’t want sex and he never will, and that’s all anyone cares about.

“Hey,” Rian says sheepishly, standing at the foot of his bed.

“Um, hi,” he replies, tugging at the hem of his shirt self-consciously. It’s a little hard to pretend he’s fine when he feels like crying on the inside. “You can um, you can sit down if you want.” Now he understands why people have such trouble staying friends after a break-up. It’s painful as hell. He can barely handle this at all.

Vinny – very wisely – excuses himself quickly, shoving a few textbooks into his backpack and mumbles something about going to the library to study. Grieco silently thanks him for giving them some privacy, whatever is about to happen. “So, um, how have you been?” Rian asks.

“I’ve been better.” Okay, he’s being petty, but it’s easier than admitting the way he really feels, which is basically something along the lines of ‘I love you and I need you in my life and it hurts that you don’t want me anymore because of something that isn’t even my fucking fault’. Especially since the last words Rian said to him were “I think we should maybe not see each other for a little while.”

“Listen, um... I want to apologize for being an asshole about.... everything,” Rian says slowly. “I-I really miss you, and I know this probably doesn’t change anything, but just... I’m sorry.” He’s not sure if he wants to accept the apology or not, but Rian’s sitting there chewing his lip and looking at him with sad eyes and even though he’s really, really angry and hurt still, there is a small part of him that wants to curl up in Rian’s arms and be held. So he’s surprised again - and he shouldn’t really be – when Rian says, “Alex called me a selfish prick and threatened to break my kneecaps if I didn’t come over here and tell you how I feel.”

His duvet suddenly becomes very interesting as he asks, “So... How do you feel, then?” And his hair, that’s become interesting too, because he can play with it and not have to look Rian in the eye when his heart inevitably shatters into a thousand pieces.

“Um... I’m kind of in love with you.”

Then his heart is pounding in his chest and, despite his best efforts not to, there are tears forming in his eyes. “I’m – I – can I just have a h-h-hug?” Rian hugs him tightly, and it’s so overwhelming that for a few minutes he can’t do anything but bury his face in the older man’s shoulder and cry. “I love you too, you asshole,” he finally mumbles into Rian’s neck.

Rian kisses his temple lightly and pulls him down onto the mattress. “I never meant to hurt you,” he says. “I was stupid and scared and I kind of panicked. And then it was too late and I thought I’d lost you for good, and just... This isn’t something that happens every day and I didn’t know how to deal with it because all of a sudden it felt like you didn’t want me and I didn’t know what to do with that.”

“But I do want you,” Grieco whispers shyly. “I want you all the time, I just... I’m sorry I can’t be what you need me to be.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Rian says. “I’m sorry I was an idiot. D’you think you can forgive me? Because, umm, I’d kind of like to go back to the way we were and... maybe I could be your boyfriend, if you... if you wanted me to be. If you don’t, like, completely hate me by now.”

But he’s not about to let Rian off the hook that easily, so at first he pretends to be thinking about it. “I dunno,” he sighs. “I mean, you were a pretty huge asshole about it. So maybe you’d better make it up to me, you know, because I was afraid you’d hate me or something... Maybe I shouldn’t even take you back.”

He feels Rian’s grip on him tighten and he has to fight back a smile. “Please? Don’t make me tell Alex he wasted that speech about his and Jack’s everlasting love for nothing. I can’t handle another elegy full of his lovey-dovey dribble about his boyfriend.”

“Well, it depends...” he murmurs, nuzzling Rian’s neck. “Are you going to let me win at Mario Kart now?”

“Mm, yeah.”

“Good.” Then, a minute later, he adds, “You need to stop making me feel better when you’re the one I’m mad at, you fucking jerkbag,” before snuggling into Rian’s chest. He feels better than he has in days, and yeah, he probably shouldn’t be letting Rian off the hook quite so easily, but hey. Boyfriend. Cuddles. He’s kind of a sucker for both, and it’s blatantly obvious that he and Rian suck at being apart. “M’gonna kiss you now, ‘kay?” Rian responds by meeting him halfway, which says more than enough. “Mmmf.”

Basically, he never really stood a chance. Their noses bump awkwardly and it’s kind of too wet and messy, but kissing Rian gives him this all-over warm, fuzzy feeling, so he’s pleased when Rian kisses back. After a long stretch of kissing, he pulls away and curls into his boyfriend’s side happily. “Love you,” Rian says hoarsely. It’s only once they’re curled up together in his bed that he realizes that, um. He kind of gave his boyfriend a boner without meaning to. And he feels a little bad about it, but not completely horrible because it’s just basic biology and neither of them can help it, really. It’s kind of flattering, in a weird way. They fall asleep curled around each other, and Grieco is suddenly glad that Vinny has so many nameless, faceless girlfriends.

&

Evan isn’t that annoyed when Vinny shows up at the apartment at, like, ass o’clock in the morning. It’s a pretty common occurrence, so he thinks nothing of it. (Well, actually, he’s kind of secretly thrilled, but hi. Not thinking about that because he has a girlfriend. Kind of. Only maybe not so much anymore. And she’s about as lady-like as a jackhammer, anyway, so he’s not really sure she counts as a girl sometimes.) He just smiles to himself when Vinny joins him on the couch to watch shitty late-night talk to drown out the noise coming from Matt’s room.

“So I think Grieco and Ri-dawg are going to get back together,” Vinny says.

He shovels a handful of Malteasers into his mouth and replies, “Good.”

“So... are we going to talk, ever, or are you just going to keep pretending you’re in love with your girlfriend and making me sneak around?” It’s a cheap shot, but well-deserved. He somehow manages to swallow past the lump in his throat and pours another handful in, crunching them loudly enough to drown out his own thoughts. “Seriously? I’m getting fucking tired of pretending nothing’s going on, okay. I’m running out of excuses here, Ev. So it’s either she goes or I do.”

“Don’t be like that,” he says, feeling defensive and on edge. “You know how I feel about you. I’m just not ready, okay? Stop trying to force me to come out before I’m ready.”

Vinny rolls his eyes dramatically. “You haven’t been ready for a year. How is that supposed to make me feel? Like, I get it. I’m not the hottest guy ever, and I can be kind of dumb sometimes, but I’m not stupid, Evan. So I’m not going to let you keep stringing me along and making excuses for you anymore. Put up or shut up, I’m not wasting any more time on this if you’re never going to commit.”

“That’s not even – you can’t just give me an ultimatum like that, Vin. That’s not fair! You know I’d do anything for you.”

“So then do what I’ve been asking you for the last year and stop jerking me around! It’s not that hard, fuck.” And he can tell that Vinny is on the verge of tears, which – shit. He is an idiot. Vinny never cries about anything, so that makes him the worst person alive for being such an utter shithead about the whole thing. Well, at least it’s made the decision easy for him.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” he says, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. “Don’t go anywhere, we’re going to talk about this. There’s something I have to do first.” The door to their little balcony squeals in its track when he opens it. He can’t decide if it makes him a worse person for breaking up with a girl over the phone, or for it taking him a year and an ultimatum to leave her for the person he really loves. Probably the latter, though.

&

Rian’s on top of him, looking quite embarrassed, and he would be more reassuring if the situation weren’t so unintentionally hilarious. “Awww, Ri,” he coos, “Don’t be embarrassed, baby. It happens! Honestly, I find it kind of flattering...” It happens every time they make out, so by this point in the relationship, he’s really no longer surprised or embarrassed by it, especially given how much they’ve been making out lately. Turns out that having a reward system for learning counterpoint theory works wonders, and thanks to Rian’s... admittedly somewhat questionable tutoring methods, he’s now making a solid B in that class. Plus, it has the added benefit of, well, getting to spend time with his boyfriend.

But Rian doesn’t appear to find the sentiment comforting. “I should have better self-control by now though,” he groans, rolling over onto the mattress and hiding his face in the sheets. He just sighs and rubs his boyfriend’s side affectionately. “I’m trying, okay? Doesn’t help that I find pretty much everything you do incredibly sexy.” Rian whines softly and pouts when, to his disappointment, his boyfriend sits up and stretches. “What are you doing, come back...”

“Calm down, I’m just going to the kitchen to steal the whipped cream before Dumb and Dumber use it all for their nefarious purposes. And while I’m down there, you can take care of business. I mean, you’re only human; of course you can’t help it that you find me utterly irresistible.”

“Wait, what are we going to do with that much whipped cream?” Rian asks, giving him an extremely confused look.

He smirks and says, “You’ll see,” before crawling out of bed and making a quick trip to the kitchen to look for the canister of whipped cream he hid from Jack earlier. He also grabs the container with the last of the cake Alex’s mom sent over and tucks that under his arm before grabbing a clean fork from the drawer and returning to Rian’s room. “I brought cake!” Which, of course, causes Rian to burst out laughing. They kiss for a moment before he gets bored of it and pries open the container. A man has to have his priorities, after all. And considering he’d rather have cake than sex, well... Yeah. It’s fuckin’ homemade chocolate cake and the whipped cream is full-fat.

“You are the only person I know who craves cake at eleven o’clock the day before an exam,” says Rian. “Although, you know, I’m perfectly okay with that as long as you plan on sharing it with me.”

“Dork,” he murmurs affectionately, flicking Rian on the nose, “Of course I’ll share.” So they sit and eat the last piece of cake in bed, along with most of the whipped cream. Then, in one of his finer moments, Rian tries to eat some whipped cream straight from the can and completely misses his mouth; they both start laughing and eventually they both end up covered in it, along with the sheets. Grieco rolls over, looks at his boyfriend, and groans. “We’re going to be so sticky in the morning...”

Rian grins. “What a shame we put Alex’s favourite sexual aid to such good use...”

“You know, he’ll probably try to strangle us when he realizes we ate the last of his cake,” he sighs, leaning forward to lick some of the sticky white stuff from Rian’s cheek. This in turn causes Rian to push him onto the mattress playfully and lick the whipped cream from his neck and shoulders. It tickles, so he can’t stop giggling and squirming, which he supposes was the point to begin with. “Ri, stop, you’re the worst!” he squeals, digging his heels into the mattress helplessly. “Aaaaaah, that tickles so much, I hate you...”

“I love you too,” Rian purrs, kissing his neck softly before leaning up to peck him on the lips. Now that his craving has been satisfied, he’s content to just lie there and be held until he falls asleep.

There’s a loud thump from the other side of the wall, and Jack’s muffled voice shouting, “Will you two fucking keep it down in there? I’m trying to sleep.”


End file.
